With ers Without You

Hi John, thank you for your detailed and personal feedback, it’s appreciated. You’re welcome to make an official complaint addressed to the Station Manager of Radiowest Esperance or of course you could imagine I’m someone else if that would help. (I do a pretty good Irish accent)

P.S. Thanks for visiting our website!

– Joshua Withers 747 RadioWest Breakfast Sent from my iPhone

On 17/01/2010, at 4:29 PM, “noreply@theradio.com.au” wrote:

Responded On: 17/01/2010 6:29:44 PM Q 1: First Name: john Q 2: Last Name: b**** Q 3: Email Address: j***@westnet.com Q 4: Town/Suburb: esperance Q 5: What do you want to tell us? i dont know how you got on radio because you would be the worst announcer i have ever heard,i change station just so i dont have to listen to you.

// note to readers: No need for sympathy, anyone who can’t capitalise an I is not part of my ’target demographic'

Christian’s are everywhere. They all look, smell, sound different. Some proclaim to be better, more humble, bigger, stronger, improved than other Christians. Some think that others are “this and that” and some others think “this and that” about others.

Then there are those people who aren’t 100% Christian, but they aren’t not Christian. Interesting lot they are, I’ve never succeeded at doing anything in halves.

Finally there’s those that aren’t Christian. They’re atheists or buddhists … or <insert religion, faith, game, cult> here.

Individual

I'm really proud of everyone above for making a stand and proclaiming they're part of this group or that. But me, I'm Josh.

I could barely proclaim to be Christian. If you break the word down it means Christ like. I’m not really. I’m not catholic or anything else. In high school, when I had to fill out a form I would say I my religion was “Uniting Church” cause that’s what Dad said once. I’m not an atheist because I don’t really know what they believe. I’m not weird enough to be a member of a cult either.

So this is who I am. I’m a 28 year old male, who read some of the bible about 7 years ago, then listened to a few other people talk about who God was. I thought that sounded pretty good and he sounded like a decent bloke. I read a bit more into it, turned out that God was a number of things, including but not conclusive of: creator of everything, author of life, the beginning and the end of everything. From there on I wanted to learn more about who he was and is, it turns out that he is (once again including but not conclusive) a complete and utter genius, he’s omnipresent which means he is everywhere at all times, he is love and he is loving - completely without any exceptions or maybes.

I could go on, but I found that the more I learned about God, the more he was kind of different than the general image that was painted up until now. God, and his church, and everything ever associated with him, was weird, freaky, odd and boring in my public perception, did I mention weirdoes? I remember meeting Jesus freaks in the car park of a shopping centre, they wore Jesus shirts and wanted me to come to their Jesus movie. I was kind enough to avoid them from then on.

I was curious why this relationship aspect of God that I was reading about had never really been touted before either. The general run of society told me that God existed, but mainly so we could blame stuff on him or scream his name during sex (kind of like using a cheat code in a game, hoping God would make it better?). As I read a little bit more about God it kind of sounded like there could be a possibility of some two-way conversation, and aside from that thing there was also a possibility that God could actually right now be interested and excited about what’s happening in my life. He might even want to help, which was an intriguing development because I’m not used to being helped.

Things Got Weird

So I was lucky enough to be dragged into a community of crazy people who I kind of liked. They didn't wear Jesus shirts (well most of them didn't) and they didn't ask me to watch Jesus videos with them.

But … at some point the community, the group, the clique, got different. Some people wanted me to be perfect, some wanted nothing to do with me, some people were wondering why everyone else didn’t spend all their time focused on their little problems and some people didn’t want to hang out. This is the natural evolution of a group, but the consensus is that Christians didn’t do that.

But what got weird is that some people in the group did one weird thing, they some how associated it with Jesus, then did it more. This is a very generalised statement over many people. But I felt odd because I didn’t like to flout about how Christian I was, or to prove it by attending the most Christian events, or falling over to make sure people knew I was being prayed for. Some people though were very keen on proving how Christian they could be, which was weird for me because I wasn’t very “that kind of Christian” at all.

I was kind of keen on just being Josh, Josh that was trying to get to know God. Josh that tried to read the bible but found it hard and persevered anyhow.

I struggled talking to God, I struggled to pray, because I saw other people pray and it sounded like they were worried God was stupid, which was an odd thing to worry about from my point of view. If anything, I thought God could not be stupid, he could be many other things, complacent maybe, or even just resource savvy (the reason you didn’t have a new car yet is because I asked first, etc). Nuances aside I was almost certain God couldn’t be stupid. I’m kind of stupid, but when people talk to me like I’m really stupid it gets me in a bad mood. Was God in a bad mood?

Luckily God doesn’t have bad moods.

The Reformation

So a few people I knew outside of church thought I must be Christian because I didn't swear. I was worried that, that would be the only way people would ever know I was a Christian was because I didn't say or type the word "shit" or other bad words. What things could I do to make sure other people knew I was a Christian I thought. After I tried a large range of activities I came to the conclusion that I didn't really mind what people thought I was, the least of which being a Christian. After all I'd read about God, Christ, Jesus and I was nothing like him. Not only could I not build a table or complete any other carpentry tasks well, I also wasn't as well liked as Jesus. Everyone knew he was a Christian, right?

So today I’m not too worried about what people think. Although when their expectations of me are really high it does get me down, I just move on and forget about it. Because they aren’t going to be accountable for my life. I am. I know that God wants me to be more Christ-like, after all Christ had some really good ideas and methods, but I also know that it might not happen overnight.

So Am I A Christian?

No. I'm a human, who so desperately wants to figure out God, who he is, what he wants, what he does, how he does it. I reckon God is an alright bloke now, so I'd also like to see other people like you know him as well. Don't worry about my expectations of you though. They couldn't be any higher than I'd expect everyone to have of me. So I'm not a Christian, I'm just Josh, no titles.

I also design things, like web sites and brochures. My full time job is at Macquarie Southern Cross Media, I’ve been lucky enough to host a breakfast radio show on Radiowest in Esperance. I’m also a wedding celebrant, and I like to write as well. Sometimes I write well and sometimes it’s all broken like this blog post is. I also love going to church with my friends because most of them are trying to figure out the same thing I’m trying to figure it out, so we’ll try and figure it out together.

Sorry if you wanted me to be less honest and more poetic, this is raw unedited Josh.

There probably could of been a better ending. If you have one, let me know and I’ll put it in here and credit you for it, thanks.

Over the last two weeks of roadtripping I’ve been brewing over many, many, blog posts, ideas (good and bad) and have resisted blogging many of them, so I’ll wrap them all up into one post. Here’s my list of things I learnt (and observations) from my 2 week roadtrip across West Australia.

• Country bees are different to city bees. City bees are out for your blood. Country bees are out for pollen (of which I have none)
• Dung beetles (or lack thereof) are the answer to bushfly problems.
• Telstra NextG is a freaking awesome telecommunications network. Pity the pricing scheme is based on 1994 principles and their customer service only gets good after you blog about them.
• When borrowing/buying an Esky (Ice box for the internationals) get one that keeps ice frozen for 5 days, not 5 minutes like the one I had.
• Weather reports are very fickle in nature and the actual conditions can change in a split second, or at the latest, overnight.
• Always be the first one to say hello to a camping/caravaning neighbour, unless they're an axe murderer, only good can come from it. I've made so many new friends from all across the world in this 2 week trip.
• Take a percolator! You can make good coffee anywhere then offer it to all of your new friends along the way.
• You always need better pillows, underwear and shoes. Those three things should be your priority before leaving on a roadtrip.
• Breakfast is the most important meal - if you fill yourself up on breakfast the rest of the day is cheaper!
• Caravan drivers are called Grey Nomads. Caravan drivers with 1 or more drivers stuck behind them are Grey Noamd conga lines.
• Schedule staying with friends or in hotels evenly along your trip so you get to have a good shower and sleep in a good bed every so often.
• Generosity is the key to a great roadtrip - if you get caught up in the "who owes who" or the "you owe me $4.20" scenarios it really wrecks the trip - don't let money get in the way of a great roadtrip.
• You probably should have a spare tyre - I don't and luckily I haven't needed it thus far.
• Don't be afraid to go off the beaten track - some of the most beautiful discoveries and the best photos have been taken when an intriguing sign pulled me off the highway down a long forgotten road.
• Share accomodation/food/sightseeing tips with fellow travellers, they're worth much more than any tourist guide or brochure.
• The Visitor Centres are the saving grace of West Australia - the volunteers inside have saved me many hours.
• When tasting wine at wineries don't act snobby or know-it-all.
• When planning your roadtrip schedule more time than you'll need, take the watch off and burn your calendar.
• Canned baked beans and boxes of biscuits or chips are great to keep onboard incase you're left with nothing else lol.
• Take a pack of cards, and play them with friends instead of searching for a TV
• In case you get lost and can't find anyone to help you or if you're in the middle of nowehere, get out of the car and start dealing out a game of solitaire. Within minutes someone will come and tell you to put the red jack on the black queen.
• It's nice to take new friends on a road-trip but better to take close friends or loved ones - results in less awkward moments when trying to decide where to go or what to do.
• When you're entering an attraction that has a fee, try find people that are leaving to find out if it was worth it. Don't waste time or money on those that aren't worth it.
• When in Fremantle only do the night tour of the Jail if you have guts (according to Roger and Slodja) but some sort of tour while you're there.
• You'll always want a bigger tent, but the bigger the tent the longer the setup time.
• Camping is way more fun and adventurous than staying in motels.
• Don't be surprised when you find that under 5% of the people you meet are white caucasian Australians. That's the beauty and diversity of Australia, especially West Australia.
• When talking to Germans it's ok to talk about Germany's past, probably not ok to ask if they have a gas chamber.
• When talking to Serbians they'll often talk loudly and abusively as a joke, they're quite nice people.
• When talking to the Irish, don't mention it's past and ask them how they like their potatoes.
• When talking to the South Africans remind them that last year's Cricket performance was probably a one-off.
• When talking to Kiwis remind them where Wayne Bennett came from.
• When talking to Asians of most varieties ask to see their photos.
• When talking to Americans don't mention politics or gun control.
• When talking to locals ask them why they love where they live.
• When talking to anyone remember that you've got two ears and one mouth, use proportionately.
• Take lots of photos and email them to your parents and grandparents. Even better is to make a photo book at the end, I'm sure they'd love it!
• Where and when you can, walk everywhere!

I'm sure I've missed some but that's a good start. Remember that roadtrips and walking are two of the best ways to see this world!

I’m sitting in a backpackers hostel in Fremantle … contemplating about life the universe and everything. This is my, and your, New Years Eve 2009.

It’s strange that the things I long for most, good company, comfortable surrounds, enough money, the laptop battery that will never run out and maybe a girl who can massage my tired neck and tell me everything will be ok, are the things I’ve moved away from (especially the laptop battery bit, I’m at 14% and counting!)

It’s also strange to reflect on a decade lived. I remember 10 years ago this night, 18 years old, having only reached the age of buying alcohol 23 days earlier I was hot property on New Years Eve. I had a company car and some great friends to hang out with. We had a few drinks, I wore “Year 2000” sunglasses (my eyes were in the middle 0’s … so cool) and we got through the night without losing power or having bits and bytes eat up all of our interwebs and other electrical things. Jesus didn’t come back and the world didn’t end. It had all the symptoms of an anti-climax.

10 years on and I’m living a completely different life, 4000km west of 10 years ago, working as a radio personality, totally different habits, skills, abilities and a lot of new friends.

What are we to make of a decade, is the next one going to be completely different or will hover-cars eventually be released? I think there is power in this phrase from Psalm 30 “but joy comes in the morning”. I’ve looked at this life ahead of me one day at a time, each morning a new one and each day ends with that new opportunity for joy to come in the next morning.

Decades are nice, but they still start with a morning. (1% battery and click publish!)

'My Brilliant Life' is a series of blog posts that may continue until blogging loses it's chique coolness or I lose interest.

My Brilliant Life: 28 years on and lots has happened, let me bring you up to date. This short, abridged and possibly incorrect account of my period of my life serves three purposes. Firstly, to help me remember where I’ve been and be thankful for where I’m going, secondly to seek your input and editing if your memory is better than mine. Finally to document a life changed, a life that I didn’t think was, but actually is brilliant, proof that who you were isn’t exactly who you will be and what you’ve done doesn’t have to drag you down but can build you up.

I’m 16 and a half years old, having just got my drivers license learners permit in Queensland and I get myself a night in jail because I wasn’t wearing a bike helmet!

You remember when you got yours, a drivers license expands your horizons, it’s like installing wings on a bird, the teen can be set free to drive wherever he wants! Though the years before you get your full drivers license, before you are set free, you travel differently, in Central Queensland you ride a bike.

This fateful day I was riding my bike through town, Victoria Street actually, out the front of the Old Commonwealth Bank building and the Old Courthouse. As was the fashion in those days you never wore your bike helmet, you had it hanging from your handlebars so that if you crashed you’d at least have safe handlebars. The law at the time had all bike riders wearing helmets. As admirable as the lawful cause was I still wonder why we need to legislate silly things that keep stupid people like myself alive. Whatever happened to survival of the fittest?

I’m riding casually and the Police lights and siren squeals and I halt in fear. I’ve heard that sound before and wondered what I could have done to get in trouble this time. Luckily it’s only a $30 fine for not wearing my bike helmet. I nod and agree with the policeman at all the right moments, take the paper fine and put my helmet on and I’m on my way. There’s a subtle difference to every other occasion before now where I’ve gotten in trouble, big or small, with the police. This time I had a drivers license and even though I wasn’t driving a car they took my drivers license number and all my details.

Months, years later

Having worked my way in to a great position with Business Solutions in Mackay I had a company car at various times to do various jobs. I'd also, after many tries, finally acquired a provisional drivers license. Had've I actually read the book, studied or taken a course Id've passed with flying colours, alas a license was won!

I was driving down Harbour Road towards the center of town before the Forgan Smith Bridge in Mackay and the Police sirens light up. In Mackay at the time it was common for the Police to do random checks of random cars, it wasn’t personal, they’d check for stolen items, drugs, alcohol etc and check your BAC and license. After a search and some checks they let us go and all was fine. I drove about 40 metres before the Police sirens came back on.

The Police Headquarters had gotten back to the Police who had searched me via Police radio and let them know there was a warrant for my arrest and I was to be brought in immediately.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gunna do?

The $30 bike helmet fine I had earned when I first got my license had been ignored, forgotten and went unpaid. It subsequently went to court and earned itself some extra court charges and amounted close to $200.

The Police that night said I could pay then, alas I did not have $200 on me. My dad nor my boss would answer their phones, I had no money and no lifeline! So I spent the night in the watchhouse (local police mini-jail is proably a good description if you’re unaware of what a watchhouse is). Nights in jail earn you money towards your fines, its remunerable repentance in a funny way, so I stayed two days, technically, because I came in before midnight and left the next morning. I’d paid most of the fine off through my sleep and my dad came in the next morning and bailed me out, and all was fine once more, thanks Dad!

So what have we learned?

Wear a bike helmet!

[caption id=“attachment_561” align=“alignright” width=“300” caption=“The cafe in question. It's pretty good (though the caramel latte could of received one extra stir of the spoon)”][/caption]

I’m sitting in a cafe writing this blog post, in the extremely busy and especially nice town of Margaret River. It’s the time of year that many tourists flood the town of 12,000 people and the local retailers are sure to benefit from the onslaught of visitors to the town.

The cafe is currently turning people away because their front door sign says they close at 4pm. I’ve seen them knock back at least 20 people who would spend approximately $10 each, not mentioning those that didn’t come in because it looked like it was closing.

My opinion is that if you would take hold of the opportunity and stay open until the customers stop, not when the sign says 4pm. Customers after that time may notice this and think of themselves as receiving special service and being served and buying what you want to buy, opposed to being knocked back, is an overly positive experience - a dark contrast to the disappointed faces I saw leaving the cafe in the last hour I’ve been sitting here.

What’s your opinion? What kind of business and culture does it create to run your business “by the book” everyday or do you think that a looser operation is not favourable?

All of the great things in my life have come when I’ve read the book, closed the book, then gone out and done something crazy and opportunistic.

Comment and leave your thoughts.

A friend recently found himself hacked on Facebook, the hackers then masqueraded themselves as him asking for money to help his missionary efforts. The hackers really put a lot of work and effort into this, my friend lost his Facebook account and is now rebuilding his online identity and wondering how it happened.

There are more than a hundred ways to skin a cat, even more ways to dress it up and hide it. Here’s my feeble attempt at detailing my personal policies and procedures to protect myself online.

• I use secure computers to access the internet. My personal laptop is a MacBook which out of the box is very secure, secondarily my iPhone is a very secure platform for accessing the internet (unless is is jailbroken). At work all the computers there are well managed by an IT department and they have sufficient anti-virus, firewall and computer management procedures in place to keep the office Windows computers safe. The standard out-of-the-box Windows computers is not that secure.
• I'm not that precious with my public personal details. It's not hard for someone in the know, or the need to know, to get my full name, phone numbers, email addresses or date of birth. So I'm not too precious about these details.
• I am precious about my password. I always have at least 3 passwords on the run. 1 password is my work password which has to change every 60 days (I think it's about that) which is a smart policy for work. My 2nd password is my personal high security password, this changes every 6 months-ish. The 3rd password is the password I use for websites I don't trust or don't care for.

Here' s the difference particularly between the 2nd and 3rd type of password. There are a select number of websites and services that I trust and need to stay secure. My list is my MobileMe email account (paid service), Gmail (free email), Google Accounts for both, my Wordpress.com account, Facebook, Twitter, My personal domain passwords and my laptop password.

For the websites I don’t trust but they’re asking me to sign up, or the websites I don’t think I’ll go back to, I’ll use my generic password, the third password, which I’m sure many of my friends know.

• In my social networks I don't install applications, unless I really need to or really want to. I'll block all of your requests to invite me into whatever game you're playing now (thanks to Mike Penny and others for hooking me on Farmville). Those applications that get installed in your Facebook account, Twitter Account and Myspace (apparently people still use it?) get complete access to your account. The dodgy ones tend to get removed but they still exist and you could still install one. Plus: if you really want to send me a bunch of flowers - send me a bunch of flowers, I don't want an eFlower.
• On my computer, I don't install applications without prior research or consulting with likeminded friends. Plus I'm extremely aware that most free apps have a motive. I use some amazing free and open source apps that developers have made out of the goodness of their hearts which I'm rather thankful for, but many free apps are actually ridden with nasties that are out to get you and your identity. (Especially free applications that promise to protect your computer!! Pay for protection!! Free computer protection is like a dodgy back alley guy handing out free condoms!)
• I recognise the benefit in paying for services that I value. When you pay for something you have ground to stand on in the instance that something goes wrong. I pay $119 for my email account because I value a quality email service. I'd also be willing to pay for a secure Twitter service. Facebook not so much, it doesn't add a lot of value to my life and is well paid for by advertising already. But you should recognise services that are valuable to you then attribute a cost to them. You do get what you pay for.
• Finally, I'm extremely transparent about who I am and what I'm about. Most Facebook friends, Twitter followers and blog readers would know who I am, they know my character and personality. Listeners to my radio show would be in a similar category as would my personal friends. This is because I'm transparent, honest and (try to be) integral. I'm only human (which often leads to error) but I aim to be transparent in all aspects of life, it's easier in the long run and saves lying which really is a painful process and I don't have enough brain capacity to be a good lier. The result of this is that if I was actually hacked (which hopefully the above points would prevent) then the witnesses of a hack would recognise that it isn't me and would hopefully let me know asap.

It's not a foolproof plan but they say if you build a better foolproof plan the world will breed a better fool.

When I was first investigating the move to Esperance many months ago I looked at the different Esperance websites for tourists and visitors. There was a common statement being made: Esperance has no traffic lights and no McDonald’s.

Such a limiting and negative statement of identity. It lacks a positive affirmation of what Esperance is and who lives here. Esperance is a town of amazing people, physically isolated though they hold one another close. The community groups are active, the industry stakeholders are unified and the townsfolk live here because they love the town, although modern times allow us to move to the city easily the 15,000 residents are here by choice, Esperance loves Esperance.

But in this little sleepy hollow of love and goodwill, the local residents drive past the western end of Dempster Street in fear and loathing of a new building project being undertaken right next to the Bijou Theatre.

Esperance’s identity is about to change as a McDonald’s Family Restaurant is established on the corner of William Street and Dempster Street and although many people are singing a song of doom for local business and gloom for our eating habits, I’m seeing a brighter future for Esperance which doesn’t involve a Big Mac and fries.

McDonald’s doesn’t have to be the end of local fast food businesses, but it might be if local businesses believe the hype and fall on their sword. The professional edge that McDoanld’s brings to town might actually be the encouragement our local business community needs to shape up and grow.

Ronald and friends run a smooth operations and the consistency they try to deliver is their strength. Worldwide you can walk into a McDonalds and have a consistent experience, if you’ve ever been in one before then you’re already familiar with the operations, you know there is a menu above the counter and the people behind the counter will take your money kindly. The architects and consultants design the premises to train you on how McDoanld’s ‘works’ as you enter the premises.

How can Esperance survive this city slicker? Here’s a few of my hints:

• Build a loyal customer base. Humans are tribal by nature, we love to be a in group, to belong to a minority. A key to building a loyal customer base is to build a tribe around your business, it needs to be unique and add value to the members lives that they can't get elsewhere. Do that and your tribe won't let you down.
• Freshen up the your premises. A coat of paint and a mown lawn does wonders for a house that's for sale and it will do the same for your business for the same reason. An architect doesn't need to be involved but a repainted sign and spring clean does wonders for customer opinion of your business.
• Expect new customers. Experience your business through your storefront, phone or on the internet as if you've never experienced it before. Walk into your shop for the first time all over again and use your five senses to experience it anew. What do you smell, what do you see, hear, feel and what does that communicate to you (remembering you know nothing about the business and what it does).
• Review your operations. Are your products or services completely relevant to the residents of Esperance in 2010? Are your prices competitive and covering your costs plus delivering you a profit? Are you accepting methods of payment that customers want to pay with? Could you change or repackage your service or product to be more attractive or suitable in 2010?

Remember your business is your business, don't let any young buck tell you how to run it, but a fresh perspective might be just what you need to not only ride the wave of growth that McDonald's is riding, but to beat it.

I’ve decided upon a few things for 2010. After a pretty turbulent, active and amazing 2009 I wanted to up the ante for next year.

Donald Miller has weighed heavily upon these decisions - his recent release has pushed me out of the realm of comfortable and into a journey filled with stories of great feats. Although I attempted a great feat and failed yesterday (I tried to climb Frenchmans Peak - fear got the better of me) I’m looking forward to trying more.

So here’s my 2010:

• Continue to kick radio butt, continue creating graphic design and websites, conducting weddings and DJ'ing parties etc
• I'm going to cycle around Tasmania
• I'm going to try my hand at stand-up comedy

I'm thinking forward as well and a trip around the USA would be good for 2011.

If you’ve read this far I give you full permission to keep me accountable to these goals at any time during 2010!

So this is old age.

<deep>

Each day a new one, never to be repeated again. The opportunities that present themselves today may never appear again. It’s one part exciting, one part depressing and one part liberating.

Exciting

As I shrug off the childhood myth that each year you get older you can do less and the responsibility and cost is more, I find each day a little more exciting.

Depressing

As I find each day more exciting, I find that I like to share it with people. And despite my best attempts at ignoring it there is some sort of biological internal thing in my blood or brain that draws me to some sort of female partner ... weird. Why is it depressing? Often not everyone else gives a rats bottom about what you're excited about. No fault of theirs, but it still is a little depressing ... my brain is a little off-kilter compared to everyone elses I think.

Liberating

And as I find each day more exciting and a little depressing I find liberty, the escape from the past, the collection of experiences, hurts, times and days of past. It's a nice thing to find at the back end of 27 years of life.

</deep>

Happy 28th Birthday me!

Thespian - translated from the Greek “one who translates”, an actor or actress. I’ve made the miraculous jump from AM Radio personality to thespian in a matter of months of landing in Esperance, completely by chance. All I wanted to do was meet some more people, now I’m a superstar (sic).

So how did all this happen and where has it taken me? Cale Hill is the man to blame for all this, he suggested I audition for “A Christmas Carol” at the Bijou Theater, my only previous experience with the Bijou was months earlier when I was investigating this little town called Esperance before I moved here and I found a news article about McDonald’s wanting to open a restaurant in Esperance but the ’local theater’ was complaining about the noise that would come from it and possibly impede on a production there. I mocked them at the time … now I’m ’them'.

There’s a few things which I’m learning in the theater, here’s my list in case you fall into theater production anytime soon.

• Apparently you don't say "good luck", instead you say "break a leg" ... I'm not comfortable with either so I say generic things like "go hard" and "give it 110%"
• You can never be too quiet in the wings or backstage
• If you're going to be late then be an hour or two late - that's way more fashionable than 15-45 minutes late
• Learning your lines is useless ... performing them and understanding the story works for me
• Never work with animals, children or chains
• Bring lollies
• Old ladies feel they have the authority to talk to you about an eating plan once they've seen you in a production
• Older people will laugh at everything if you call it a pantomime
• It's fully ok to be in your underwear in front of others backstage
• It's fully not ok to be in your underwear in front of others on stage
• People at shops don't understand why you're wearing makeup and buying fast food at the same time
• Makeup is not emasculating, apparently it's "for the lights"
• The smaller the number of directors the better
• Saying the word prompt doesn't work in normal conversations with people, it only works when you're on stage and you've forgotten what to say next
• Improvising is the fun part
• Secret improvising is the funner part
• The last night is when you can be naughty, but apparently not 'that' naughty ... but you can have fun with the scenes as long as the story still carries and the cues aren't missed. Apparently walking onto stage in your underwear is "too far"
• Hot chips are an ok replacement for real meals when you're a thespian
• In local theater you don't get your own dressing room

Oh it's been a journey

Amazing stories are being told in many buildings across every town and city across the world on stages big and small this week. I’ll call it the local church, it’s my source of great stories and they really are great stories, but really, it’s just your life, adapt as necessary.

I’ve heard so many great stories since Lyn told me to go to church 7 years ago. Really inspiring stories, that leave you in a sense of wonder and awe. About people who have had a dream or a vision, about their journey to overcome so much to accomplish even more.

Then I hear other people tell me their stories about hearing great stories. Often you’ll even hear the storytellers tell stories about storytellers who told stories to the storytellers at a storyteller’s conference.

And all of a sudden you realise … this is just a film festival … where all the best stories are told, then some more come in, and after many frozen Cokes and boxes of proverbial popcorn you find yourself still sitting in the cinema of life watching all these great stories yet your bum is slowly grooving itself into the seat like a crazy cat.

The film festival has its merits. The films are good, entertaining and very well made, usually inspired by actual events that were great in their own right. It’s also really good to get them in the one place; it’s rather convenient and doesn’t put you out too much.

It’s also nice to see the films with those you love and care for, friends, family, neighbours. You can talk about the films afterward in the café, even hold a little movie review club where you talk about all the good films and what they mean to you, you’d meet in someone’s house and have cake.

But somewhere along the way we strolled down the path of least resistance. Paying our way through the film festival, laughing at the right moments and then quoting the all right parts when with our friends so we can all laugh and cry together. It’s best that way.

After all … who would consider actually living a life worth telling a story about. That’s crazy talk, especially when you’re fully engaged in the film festival and the cinema tickets are going cheap.

It’s more than probable that no one else would be really supportive of the idea … after all they have really good movies for us to watch, with really entertaining stories. Maybe there’s no more room for good stories anymore?

I started out hoping to encourage you, or I, one of us at least, to go out and live a life of great risk, high adventure, great cost and extreme danger. A life that they would write about in the weekend newspaper magazine. The kind of life that a filmmaker might pick up one day and make a film about. But maybe that’s too much to hope for, considering there’s another film starting soon …

The modern equivalent for a life partner, the humble yet powerful bar of chocolate has been given extra props today as it not only tastes amazing, is reasonably priced and fits easily into your bag but it’s now also been proven to reduce stress.

Indeed many people would claim the research redundant as they’ve been finishing bars of chocolate in an effort to calm down for years, at least now it’s scientifically proven.

Mice in the experiment were separated based on how happy they were, though I’m not sure how you measure a mouse’s happiness, the unhappy mice were fed a small amount of chocolate, unleashing the chemicals hidden deep within the dairy milk saviour.

Once the chocolate had been administered the mice were found to be de-stressed.

This week I was interviewing the managing director of an Australian chocolate company on my radio show who was sharing this marketing genius of research with me and I saw another news article, one regarding the syndrome sweeping Japan which I’ve dutifully dubbed MJ Fever.

MJ Fever is not a music obsession, sexual or illegal activity, dance move or jig. MJ Fever is that seemingly natural drive that pushes you away from who you really are.

Michael Jackson suffered it more than most; with his skin transformations and general slide from his teenage years away from everything he started out as and with to where we last saw him a few months ago.

I’m sure I think Michael Jackson suffered the most because his life was under the microscope more than most; there would be people who spend every last dollar in an attempt to not be who they are.

MJ Fever in Japan is sweeping the nation with white skin all the rage, where as in Australia we want tanned skin. Every country and every generation has it’s thing it wants to change.

Imagine the resources we’d have available to us if we could be happy with the us that’s here, free and available. Imagine the time, money, time … and the money … and the time …. life would be grand, or maybe we could just eat more chocolate.

Virgin Blue, the airline that made flying fun and accessible all those years ago made a big boo boo today.

At 2:45pm (Friday, 13th November 2009) West Australia time an email was received by many Australian’s, possibly thousands, notifying them of a surprise in regard to their Velocity membership, here’s the email I received: Since that email was received social networks and forum board lit up across Australia, this was a very generous offer but some thought it was needed, in a competitive air travel market Virgin Blue had figured out how to gain everyone’s loyalty!

The Velocity Gold Card requires you to earn 50,000 points each year to keep the card. You can earn points with Virgin Blue Velocity partners but the main way to earn them is by flying Virgin Blue at 5 points per $1 spent - $10,000 a year on flights.

I’m almost certain I’m not spending $10,000 on flights this year … but I’m up for the challenge! And I think many Australian’s were as well.

At 4:25pm (Friday, 13th Nov ‘09) Virgin Blue corrected what we found out was a mistake: Now we all watch with interest as Virgin Blue manages this PR nightmare. Thousands of Australian’s have been offered something they don’t deserve … and we want to keep it!

Well I do … how about you?

A good friend of mine, Stu Larsen, penned a song called “The Black Tree” on the EP with the same name and released it earlier this year. Listening to the EP, especially this song, on a high volume holds a special sort of power in bringing peace, it just levels you out, makes you feel better.

Are you ok?

It's a question I've been asked a number of times today. That & I've also been told to man up.

I’m not sure why some days you wake up and feel poor in spirit. Radio personalities have this divine calling to push aside their feelings and personal situations in order to entertain and keep company with listeners. It’s why I love my work, I get this secret access to people’s lives, in their car, office, bedroom. When you’ve got this special access it’s like meeting the Queen, you’re now with the Queen and this is her party, not yours.

So today I just feel poor in spirit and I’m not allowed to acknowledge it. I’m physically ok, healthy enough. I’ve got food in my pantry, stomach and access to more if needed at Woolworths. There’s a large collectoin of people across this earth who think somewhat positive thoughts of me, though I’m unsure how many are in Esperance. My faith in God is steadfast and my mental health is at a seemingly normal level.

Perhaps I uncovered something when I was unsure how many of those people were in Esperance. Love is something that cannot be assumed (example: stalkers), love is something that needs to be communicated on an ongoing basis. As is that sticking point in most blogs where you’ve lost the first 85% of the readers, you’ve stuck this far, so I’ll proclaim I love you, it’s a response to your reading ability this far in, ok?

But are you ok?

Yes I'm ok, I really am, I'm fine

For a moment though think about the question you’re asking though. As far as questions go, when you’re hoping for an answer, that’s a poor question.

Perhaps next time you see someone and you feel a caring or worried feeling towards them perhaps speak more about their situation, so you might actually be able to help, for example:

• instead of "are you ok?" try "I see you've been hit by a car, could I call you an ambulance and maybe try and remove the car off you?"
• instead of "are you ok" try "So the girl you've spent months developing a friendship with, after spending $100's of dollars on coffees, meals and those little gifts, finally figures out you'd like to date her and freaks out. Let me tell you that 'everything will be ok' and 'there's plenty more fish in the sea'?"
• and finally instead of "are you ok" try "I can see you've just moved 3,853km from the Gold Coast where you once lived and you're now 4,100km from your home town and even further from your family, at least three flights away from anyone you know or love. That might be a little lonely. Could I ask you if you're ok?"

The Black Tree

It's a beautiful EP ... you should listen to it. Try Lydia Cole on for size while you're there ... and Scat, they're also tops.

Somehow I ended up on the Australian Idol website today and found it’s “Inside Idol” section where kids can ask questions of their celebrity idols and others involved in the show.

One kid had asked a question of Andrew G: “How did you get into the business, where did it start and how did you end up as a host? What did you first do to get you into hosting on television?"

Andrew had a good and simple answer: “Radio. Get into radio and learn about broadcasting, then buy yourself a video camera and practice!"

Someone replied: “i want to do radio , but i guess it takes a very long time to get yourself out there and only fery few are very successful”

I read this and had one of those “feeling sad for the youth of today” moments I’m sure my grandpa experiences every time he takes a breath. I’m kind of on this theme at the moment of being sick of seeing other people live their dreams, hearing the stories, talking about it amongst friends and preaching about it at church, in magazines & on Tv, but no-one does it.

So I replied: If anything doesn’t take hard work or a good measure of time then it’s not worth doing kid. Hard work builds a character in you that you can’t buy in Myers or learn about in a magazine. Andrew didn’t just wake up and be a radio host any less than he woke up and was hosting Aussie Idol.

After 7 years of working really hard - volunteering for years, working jobs I didn’t really want to - I now have a job in commercial radio doing the breakfast radio show in regional WA - 3000km from my friends and family. It’s just another step in the journey if that’s what you want to do.

Stop hearing about other people living their dreams and start telling your own story about how you’re living yours. Once day soon you’ll look back and freak out at how far you’ve come.

Josh: 1 Society of Losers: 0

Link to Aussie Idol question page: http://ate.australianidol.com.au/questionanswer.aspx?category=andrew-3&amp;humanurl=how-did-you-get-into-the-business-where-did-it-start-and-how-did-you-end-up-as-a-host-3826

I've not been blessed with free hours each day so I post this ditty un-edited and possible squandered with errors and mistypes. For these, I apologise in advance.

Radio has always fascinated me, to varying degrees of course. When I was in Grade 8 or 9 I remember getting excited with Dad because we saw a poster up that announced Triple J was coming to Mackay. We didn't really know what it was, or what that meant, but it was exciting all the same.

Pauly, Mikey and the Sandman were the breakfast crew at the time, I’d wake up just in time to hear the Sandman deliver his daily radio soap and would listen through until I had to sprint outside to catch the school bus.

Although I was fascinated by it I never even fantasised that I could work in the industry, let alone be the voice that I found so friendly and hilarious. Getting past the age of 21 seemed like a big enough goal at the time.

I’d never quote this as a problem brought upon me or the fruit of a particular conversation or situation, but the idea of life past 21 never seemed a reality to me as a child, even as a teenager. There was this sense of undoing that would occur at 21, by 22 I’d either passed away or taken on a vegetative state. I simply had no vision for my life past 21. In my teenage years my relationships with my parents disintegrated to a point where my father dropped me off at a homeless youth shelter, he had also bailed me out of the Police watch-house as well, amongst a truckload of failures that I brought upon myself from the ages of 15 to 21.

Throughout this journey of finding out exactly what the law was and what happened when you broke it I always maintained a fascination with the broadcast medium we call radio.

There were a range of characters that continued to entertain me, sound like they were my friend when I was alone at home or in the car and of course keeping me informed and enjoying music. I was the perfect listener.

People like the Big Kahuna on Sea FM Nights, Paul and Suki and then Moyra on Sea FM breakfast on the Gold Coast, Keiron Atkinson on Sea/Gold Gold Coast, Meech and Teegs on Hot FM Mackay then just Meech on 4MK, Pricey at 4TO Townsville, Stan at 4CRM Mackay, the old 4MK and Hot FM crew in Mackay in the 90’s and then the legends at Sea FM in Mackay since it’s inception and especially Greg Clark and of course anyone who’s ever worked at Triple J. These were my idols.

Idols or not though, I was still a pot smoking, alcoholic, mostly useless kid.

A few months after turning 21, in the hot lonely summer of 2002 on the Gold Coast I eventually sucked dry any friend or resource I had on the Gold Coast, packed my bags and went home to Mackay. I’m forever grateful to Andrew Evans, my Dad and at that time his new wife Judy and those few people in Mackay who helped me out, I’ll never forget some of the favours lavished upon me then.

At the same time I met a girl who’s mother told me it would be a good idea to go to church that Sunday … or else! Luckily I found something special that went beyond Lyn, the mother, it was like that moment in the Sixth Sense when you find out that (I won’t ruin it for those who haven’t seen it) and then the whole movie makes sense. That was what happened at Mackay Christian Family over the course of about a year and a half. While I’m in the thankful mood I can’t forget at all Ben Naitoko, Tim Spark, Cam Murison, Ben Ives, Adam Lloyd-Jones, Tuppy, Kat Mac, Josh Murray, the family that is MCF and Rob Booth-Jones and his wife Denise and daughter JBJ.

That experience unlocked something within me that no other person or experience has done, it gave me purpose and a vision to fulfill the dreams that lingered in my inner most being.Mostly these formed the basis of depression and disappointment, much like a child standing in a candy store without a cent to his name. But now I was a kid in the candy store of life with a blank cheque.

4CRM

The only thing I could think of was radio. I had listened to my community radio station 4CRM a little bit and myself and a friend had a mutual friend there and we knew they were trying to sign up members as a fundraiser so we went down to sign up and become members.

I still can’t remember who I met on that fateful day apart from Stan Hillard who offered me an opportunity to learn how to announce on radio. That day the radio transmitter was dead and being repaired so he took me into the studio and let me play around and play songs whilst we were off air.

I was enjoying myself to no end, 4CRM had a music library bigger than anyone else I knew, all on CD, not a computer or automation system in sight. In the studio was a quaint little Elan Broadcast Console, 2 CD players, 2 mini disc players, a vinyl deck and tape player with three microphones on their respective stands.

The fear of God came over me though as Stan entered the studio and made me aware of the transmitter being fixed and I was now live on the air. He hurriedly instructed me to continue playing songs like I had been and to await further instruction.

From that humble beginning Stan and others around the station taught me everything I know today. It was a fantastic training base, especially learning how to broadcast without the aid of an automation system like I have today.

Sea FM Mackay

Being an enterprising young lad I'd organised a meeting, very secretly, with the Station Manager of 98.7 Sea FM Mackay. I knew that someone one day would have to pay me for this and as far as I knew she ran the coolest and most profitable radio station in the city, so she'd be the one to pay me. On that trip I was lucky enough to meet Chris North and Greg Clark who proved to be an inspiration for me but not enough for me to win a job there. I left depressed.

Within a few months a position’s vacant position appeared for a “Broadcast Systems Engineer” for RG Capital Radio. I read the word Broadcast and applied instantly not knowing what the job entailed or if I could do it. Within a few weeks Brian, the Station Engineer from Rockhampton was showing me the ropes and I was bluffing my way through as much of it as I can, yet trying to recognise what would kill me and what wouldn’t.

Through some kind of miracle, after about 6 months of radio fun in Mackay, the IT Manager of the RG Capital Radio Group, which had just transformed into a much larger group, the Macquaire Regional Radioworks, had his eye on me and asked me to move to the Gold Coast office to take on a lead support role in the IT Department, as honoured as I was it took about 3 weeks of arguing with myself, God, my friends and the IT Manager, Pete Schmidt, to get me to move. On November 23rd I arrived at the Gold Coast, after a 2 week contract in Walgett in Western NSW helping an Aboriginal radio station setup an automation system.

Macquarie Regional Radioworks

My time at the Gold Coast Radio Centre was more fruitful and endearing than I'd ever imagined. The people I met there were at the top of their game and only going further. We were leading Regional Radio in Australia from this dinky little 2nd floor office in the Seabank Building. The announcers I met there inspired me daily. The production, creative, programming staff there taught me so much and the accounting, sales and administration staff are some of my good friends today.

I learnt so much about IT from Pete, Engineering became a mystical art thanks to Jim and Paul and the neccasary evil of distribution of the day’s events was a theatre show to no end thanks to the Bartman and after him Hendo.

Yet … each day I came to work I didn’t sit in front of a microphone, now I didn’t do a lot of IT either. That’s pretty much thanks to Carl, Regan, the News team, AJ and whoever was on air at Sea FM (thanks Ken and Dan).

So after a little over a year I realised I needed to kick myself into action and I resigned, to go to a Ministry College.

SURFCiTY

I started as a student at SURFCiTY College ... well I'm not sure why. In hindsight I knew that my adoption of the Christian faith, my new belief and it's outpouring in my life had done some real good in me, perhaps I wanted to further that. I'd also say I was led, something, someone, inside me knew that learning about God, his character and his church would be a good foundation for life.

That humble start led me a on an illustrious career of learning how to do most things in the church, plu things I’d never would’ve thought of. I learnt how to mix sound for a live band and do it well. Graphic design, communication, marketing and working in a team are just some of the skills that got sharpened in SURFCiTY. Although I sunk myself to deep into the mold, and often was hurt because of this peculiar placement, it was a valuable and fruitful deployment and I’m eternally thankful to the whole team of staff especially Lucas, Kent, Dave and Rosanna, Mark, Shamiso, Kate, Amanda, Wendy and Jeremiah, Chrissy and the Pastors Richard and Erica plus so many other individuals I served, served with and was served by.

We’ve slowly moved through the years and now, mid way through 2009 and I’m 27 starting to wonder if being on staff at a church meant I was going to be a cynical grumpy old man sometime soon.

1073

Intertwined in the Macquarie Regional Radioworks and SURFCiTY story, there's a valuable tale which we'll title 1073.

On arrival at the Gold Coast I had emailed Callum (and I’ve never stopped) the program director, announcing my arrival and my humble amazingness, perhaps he could give me a prime time show or something of that sort.

Callum, Simon, Phil, Hayden, Noelene and Rob, over the years at 1073, have generously heaped opportunity after opportunity upon me and I’m the better for it. Callum gave me a night here and there on the night time show, then I filled in where I could, attempting to learn music programming, scheduling, production and whatever else came up. Eventually one morning came where Callum couldn’t do the brekky show and I was asked to fill in.

From that one day ‘filling in’ I stayed there for 9 months until the no or low pay sent me crazy and I left the position, wondering why on earth I’d surrendered the throne I was so desperate to sit in. Luckily there were still some weekend shifts I could fill and generally annoy Callum at every given moment.

Out of that experience I’ve had the opportunity to fail dismally on air in a major market, learn how to recover and I’ve made some amazing friends along the way, notably Cal, Michelle, Deano and Ash.

Esperance

I'd hinted to the Group PD of Macquarie Regional Radioworks that I was dead keen to become an announcer and to his word, when a position became available he let me know about it and I was given the opportunity to apply. I actually got the email whilst in Sydney for the Hillsong Conference and I could not believe it.

I put in an application and an aircheck, my aircheck was pretty bad and highly produced so I was asked to record a better aircheck understandably. The only problem was my voice was gone thanks to laryngitis. After emails, phone calls, more airchecks, begging and pleading, I accepted the offer to take the breakfast show on RadioWest in Esperance on 747 AM and this is where I stand today.

It’s an opportunity like no other and every day I learn so much, my brain gets contorted, twisted and shoved back into place upside down and generally each day ends quickly at around 8pm, tonight it’ll be 9:30pm, and I’m left wondering why on earth am I in Esperance, how on earth did I get here and where the heck am I going next.

Dream

It's a real honour to look back over 27 years of speeches, messages, books, posters and TV shows of people telling me to live my dream, to now see myself living my dream.

The sick and strange thing is this. Living your dream often comes at a price you can’t afford and it brings a situation you didn’t anticipate.

For me the cost was losing the daily presence of so many special people in my life. I know we’re all still friends. Facebook, Twitter, Email, Flickr and phone calls all serve there purpose but I miss everyone so much. The situation I didn’t anticipate is the reality I’m living today, it’s strange and for every day that I wonder in the glory that is living a this life there is another day where you sit here all alone in the middle of my dream and say “what the f#$k have I done”

Here’s the iPhone Apps and why I love them.

Bible - lifechurch.tv hav made a great program for reading the bible, it uses YouVersion and can store a few offline translations.

Pkt Weather - this has much better info than the standard iPhone weather app .. which is handy if you’re doing an outside broadcast or if the studio internet is out!

Tweetie - my Twitter client of choice, it’s bigger brother (2.0) will be even better. I am a rather unhappy with the level of customer service to come out of the developers for this app, but it’s still my favourite.

Ping - it’s like free SMS’ing between iPhones!

Facebook - i’m a facebooker

NetNewsWire - it’s a pretty good RSS reader - which in English: it’s good for reading news online using Google Reader feeds.

You’ll also notice on the front page all of my main apps, I use these apps daily, or if not daily I want quick access to them.

This second page is where I have all my secondary apps and photography apps.

Autostitch is the best Panorama creating app I’ve found but it would be nice if it worked like Pano … but not with Pano’s low quality stitching of photos.

Photogene is a basic photo editor, cropper etc.

Cameraflash brightens photos but not well

Genius is a camera app with two additions I like, 10 second timed shot and sound activated shot.

CameraBag, OldBooth, CinemaFX and Coloursplash are fun little photo apps that include filters etc.

Flickr is a the free Flickr brand iPhone App - good for uploading etc. Could be better though, i.e. blog posting of Flickr pics within the app!

Aardvark is a free app for the Aardvark social question answering network. It’s kind of fun and uses Push notify.

tvGuide is a great TV Guide app, although it fails at WA timing for Foxtel shows

iTalk Lite is just like Voice Recorder, but it makes up for the iPhone Voice Recorder app in allowing Wi-Fi transfers of audio.

Clock Gt is a free Clock App which comes in handy in Outside Broadcasts for timing out.

Sketchbook looks fun anduseful in an arty sense but I’ve not really used it yet.

Goodreader is for reading all my PDF ebooks.

The winners on this page is Wikipanion, which is surprsingly better than the in-house Wikipedia app.

The Roar is a great Australian sports news app.

Aussie Rules Live helps you keep up-to-date with “the other code”

Radio Flare is a new, cool and currently free game!

HeyWay stands for Hey, Where Are You and it uses 3rd Party Notification - pretty cool.

iTranslate is a free language translator.

Grill Guide is a BBQ helper!

Ping.fm and Moby used to be needed but they’ve been made redundant of late.

Weird News is a radio announcers friend, show prep in a box!

.. they’re the main apps I use … the other stand outs are the I Am T-Pain App which is a new source of hilarity in my world, Ragdoll blaster was fun until I finished it. Boxcar is my Push Notification agent of choice for Facebook and Twitter. Lightsaber is still fun and Tris is good although no longer available. Finally Ocarina, iDrum and FlightControl are old favourites.

Not many of those Apps are free, but like they say, you get what you pay for.

Not my own musing, but I agree with quiet a few of them:

• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the toy gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then i like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.
• Why is a school zone 25kph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.  There's nothing like being made to feel like a fattie before dinner.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can thinkabout is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
• There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
• Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a fool from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Some things you read just smack you like plank of wood in a comedy sketch, here’s mine from today:

The great Scottish writer Thomas Carlyle married his secretary, Jane Welsh. She kept working for him but when she got ill, Carlyle, who was devoted to his work, didn't really notice. But she had cancer and was eventually confined to bed. Although Carlyle loved her, he found that he didn't have much time to give attention to give to her. Then she died. After the funeral Carlyle found Jane's diary and began to read it.On one page she'd written a single line: 'Yesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven: I love him so much.' A reality he'd somehow been too blind to see now revealed itself with crushing clarity. He'd been too busy to notice how much he meant to Jane. He thought of all the times he'd been preoccupied with his work and failed to notice her. He hadn't seen her suffering. He hadn't seen her love. Turning the page, he read words he'd never forget: 'I've listened all day to hear his steps in the hall, but now it's late, he won't come today.' Thomas was devastated. Later, friends found him at the side of her grave, covered with mud. His eyes were red from weeping, 'If only I'd known, if only I'd known,' he cried. After Jane's death, Carlyle made little attempt to write again. Nothing is more important than love. Is there anyone you need to spend time with today?

Is there anyone you need to spend time with today?