With ers Without You

I’m no psychologist but I’m willing to bet that the elderly man driving his 1970s Mercedes Benz with the windows down through the streets of Palm Beach loudly blaring Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls is having a bad day.

“In Iceland, we are lucky enough to have vast open spaces and beautiful nature that is the perfect place to let out frustrations, we feel this is just what the world needs.” says Sigríður Dögg Guðmundsdóttir, of Visit Iceland. You can send in your scream to be released into the Icelandic wilderness. I highly recommend. lookslikeyouneediceland.com/

Them’s fightin words

She learned how to toilet from me, by sitting there reading for half an hour.

“New York blends the gift of privacy with the excitement of participation; and better than most dense communities it succeeds in insulating the individual (if he wants it, and almost everybody wants or needs it) against all enormous and violent and wonderful events that are taking place every minute.” — E.B. White in Here Is New York

Anyone else in the “out before midnight closing the three rings club?”

The biggest giveaway that my only military service was a school term of Army Cadets is when I need to use phonetic letters on a phone call.

J, for Jackson 5. O, for Oh my god! S, for Sara Bareilles. H, for hold on. U, like you but just the letter. A, for all the letters.

Qantas’s last 747 on it’s Farewell flight past Surfers Paradise this morning.

The @Qantas #747 is a plane that has taken Britt and I so many places around the world, but greater than that, its legacy means that this boy can create marriage ceremonies around the world.

Get the down-low on The Virtual Wedding Fair this weekend by listening to my podcast, The Rebels’ Guide To Getting Married

I’m always asked if I can tell whether a couple will ‘make it.’

I can’t, but the closest I’ve come is right now and the lady in front of me is married to a guy who just texted her ordering a margarita pizza for dinner.

I don’t think margarita pizza guy is also a marriage guy.

Most Australian’s don’t even know that Nelly and Kelly Rowlands’ 2002 hit ‘Dilemma’ is about how Kelly was with 2020 but all she could think about was 2019.

Those small business vibes are real. Every day I fantasise about working for some big corporation who doesn’t know who I am but at least I wouldn’t get anxiety opening my email.

One of the hardest things about living in Queensland is that through the depths of winter you often walk outside in shirt, shorts, and thongs, and you’ll think to yourself “it’s a bit cold, I should of worn a thicker shirt”

My inbox is a wonderland, by Josh Mayer.

Hey, just a question from the audience.

How are scammers still in business? How do they afford the phone calls, caller ID spoofers, computers?

How are they still profiting? Doesn’t everyone know that if your phone rings it’s at least a 50% chance of it being a scammer?

Based on the laughs I’m getting from our toddler as she watches my rehearsals I’m betting that my move into stand up comedy is going to be a raging success, so I’m proud to announce my first touring comedy show.

Come and watch a 38 year old man put a dummy in his mouth, even though he isn’t a baby; watch as this father pretends to take your food if you won’t eat it; be amazed as a Gold Coast marriage celebrant dances with you in front of a mirror.

Tickets are $30.

Luna is upset that I cut an apple up, and she’s now trying to mend the apple by holding it all together, while calling for her mumma.

A metaphor for 2020.

I’ve been trialling the news iOS 14 Back Tap feature and every single activation has been accidental, and any intentional activations fail. So I’m turning it off.

I know I’ve been a whinge guy about COVID lockdowns, and that’s because financially and in our business we’ve had a rough time with it. But reading this …

My iPhone buzzes me, alerting me of some photos it’s curated into a cool album named “Celebrate Good Times”, so I excitedly tap the notification excitedly and it shows me a blank photo album.

Sick 2020 burn, Apple.